Trading Places

I took DD2 to the doctor today, and I knew it would be a frustrating visit. I don't know what's wrong with her - I only know that she is frequently too tired to go to school, her head hurts, her stomach hurts, she's nauseous, pale, running a low grade fever, etc... but that it's usually not bad enough to warrant a doctor's visit. Still, it has become way too chronic to ignore, as I have been called to pick her up at least four times this year, and it isn't even winter yet. So, I basically took her because it is just time to know something. The doctor seemed to agree.

Possibilities at the moment include sinusitis, migraine [I thought of this later - her symptoms match mine from when I was younger, if I really think about it], allergies, depression, anxiety... nothing that will be easy to really pinpoint.

Two moments from the visit, though, stand out for me. The first, when the doctor was trying to determine stress/anxiety concerns, and asked DD2 if she had anyone that she talked to about things. DD2 said without hesitation, "my mom." We talked more about this portion of the discussion at bedtime, and she told me how she tells me everything that she is thinking about and needs to talk about. I hope and pray that DD2 always feels she can talk to me, and knows that no matter what I will love her. I know I lost that feeling with my own mom at a very young age.

The second, was before and during drawing blood for testing. She was so scared, crying, and while I sat there comforting her, eventually helping her to calm down and to realize that blood work is actually a normal procedure that I've had done a lot... oh, how I wished I could trade places with her. The desire to do anything to keep my daughter from experiencing pain of any kind was stronger than I can ever recall.

And I think that is the chief frustration/lesson of being a parent. You want to protect your children, and keep them from pain of any kind. Doing so, though, takes away the opportunity to learn, grow, and experience all that life has to offer - both the pain and the joy.

I hope we figure out what is going on with her sooner rather than later.