This post may come off a bit trite. I hope not. And I wish the story were complete, but it's not, either... but I'm feeling the need to acknowledge the universe for a bit, and writing things out always helps me. So, I accepted the job. And my house is on the market. It's shown 2x since going on the market, and, well, that's discouraging.
I've been looking for a place to live where the new job is. I have wrestled with whether to buy or rent, because I have this house sitting here... and I finally settled on buying for several reasons: my parents are helping me make this happen, and two - the words from a friend of mine when I asked him his thoughts:
I'm looking for a house, and it's a financial & real estate transaction. You're looking for a home, where your kids will spend the years making a lot of memories that will carry them forever. While they certainly can do that from a rental house, if you're in a position to buy, it gets you all settled and focused on other more important things.He's right. I need to be focused on other things for their sake. They are the main reason I'm making this move.
He also said this:
As for the parents, I think its a good thing. Your time in ____ has been asserting how things now work, and they seem to get it finally. They've put out their rules respective to this transaction, you have your own. I'd say appreciate it and take it.I've gone to look at houses four times now. The third time I made an offer on a house. My mother, after looking at the pictures of this house, was not happy. The owner countered, and we ended up walking away.
The fourth time I went, I went with my parents. Most of the way to meet them, I prayed. I cried, prayed, and finally felt a peace. My prayer was simple, in many ways. I asked to be held, and I figuratively climbed up into God's lap and felt comforted while I cried. After I poured out my heart, I asked for clarity in knowing what I needed to do. That if I found the house I was supposed to have, that I would be given a sense of peace and knowing that I was in the right place.
So, when my parents and I looked at the house I had made an offer on, Mom's reaction to that house was clearly not positive. As the day progressed, I felt a greater sense of defeat. I found one house I liked, but it wasn't quite right.
I did gain clarity, though. I gained a sense of what it was my parents wanted. They didn't want to tell me what to do, but they want my children and me to be in a place that doesn't cause them to worry. And, more importantly, they want to do what they can to make that happen. As a daughter, I had to reconcile the competing need I have to be independent and a grown up who doesn't need support with their need to still be my parents. Add to that the reality that they are in a position to make possible for me something that I clearly need, and honestly, that they need, too. In accepting that, I gained peace. As painful as that has been, I got a pretty powerful answer to prayer.
So, that night, I changed the parameters of my search. I started looking at homes that cost more, but that are move in ready.
The next morning, a house came on the market that in pictures, is perfect. Exactly what I would want.
Yesterday, the second day the house has been on the market, my parents went to pre-screen it. They called while they were in the house and told me I need to make an offer. So, I talked with the realtor and I'm going to see this house today. I've also sent her my pre-qualification letter, and will likely leave her an earnest money check today prior to submitting the offer with my realtor, who is not available this weekend.
In the meantime, another offer has already been made on the house... the owner is waiting to accept it because the realtor knows my story and would like me to have an opportunity to present an offer. So that means I really don't have much negotiating room.
Sigh....
I'm seeing answered prayers right and left, truly. Timing is very intriguing, too. At the same time, the sense of internal stress is high, because I don't like competing for a house. I can accept that I might not get it, and that I may need to walk away. The child in me doesn't want to, though. I want this house.
So, in writing this, I'm in many ways writing out a prayer. One for faith in God's plan, in walking through open doors, and in trust that things will work out as they should be. I can feel it, deep inside... but I can also feel me trying to wrestle this one away from God. I'm trying to approach the next few days from a faithful position, not a faithless one.
Things will be as they should be. Amen.
