That seems to be changing.
Professionally, I expected it in some way. My cohort just graduated, and I spent the better parts of March and April getting them out the door. I still have work to do for them to be "done," but it's not pressing yet, but will be done by the end of this week. I've had a hard time focusing with work, but again - that's what happened last time I finished a cohort. I'm so very proud of them and how much they have grown. And consequently, I'm mourning them a little bit. Tons of energy poured into them - probably more than they can ever realize, but that's ok. They fed me for so long, more than they realized, too. That mourning will likely continue awhile.
Yet that caused me not to get to the gym like I needed to. I had not been able to run because of injuring my knee training for and during the half marathon. And the girls have been needy with end of the school year things. And my house got very messy. Things around me seemed out of whack, and in some ways I felt like I was sinking back into a hole that felt too familiar. Needs of everyone else consumed me, and I couldn't get a breath of air.
So at the end of March/beginning of April I started coming to terms with what was happening, and reassessing where I was. And started taking those small steps to stop spinning in circles. To breathe again.
The girls were on spring break the last week of March/first week of April, and while I worked that week, I also took a little bit of time for me. Went to Atlanta, did therapy of all kinds, including a wonderful girls' night out, and then stayed in a hotel downtown. The combination of the therapies and that night helped me put some things in perspective. I knew that work would be crazy until May, but I didn't have to let that impact me personally, too. On the way home from Atlanta, I rode home with the radio up and windows down, and felt a lot of baggage just floating out the window. I felt different when I got home.
That night I got a text from a man who I've talked to for several years, but really didn't know. And we started going to dinner, and to coffee. We've seen each other several times a week for the past two months, and I'm enjoying his company. Enjoying a fresh perspective. I find the timing intriguing - just as I'm letting some things go and working to stop spinning in circles, here comes a new friend who seems to be here at just the time I need something different. Someone who doesn't represent a circle.
Meanwhile, I'm taking steps to get things back in order. They are small steps. I've been able to start running again. I cleaned my office at work, and started the task of spring cleaning - The girls' rooms, my closet, bathroom, and drawers have all been tackled. Sometime this week I'll get to the garage, kitchen, laundry room, my "pile" in the living room, and corner of my bedroom.
The girls are gone this week - the first of 6 weeks without them this summer, and while I miss them, I'm appreciative of a lull in the taxi driving and the chance to get caught up on some things for me.
Time to move forward.
